Motherhood= Amazing

 

Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a mommy. I had many baby dolls and would take care of them as if they were my own.  I would pay attention to my mother and what she did for me, so I could be a better mommy to my “babies.” I would read to them, take them on car trips, and put them to bed right next to me. My babies were my everything.

I learned a lot over the years listening to my mother and what she would teach other parents. She was a Parent Educator for ECFE and was my biggest resource. “I got to grow up with a mother who taught me to believe in me.” Antonio Villaraigosa.

 Now, many years later I have two children and one angel of my own. June 23, 2009 I was blessed with Sam. He is four and very energetic.  I miscarried on May 5^th, 2010 with our 2^nd child…their due date was Nov 8^th, 2010. On Nov 26^th, 2011 I was blessed again with another child, Emily. She is 1 and likes to be the center of attention. My kids are my world. I watch my kids grow and play together and find peace in my own life by just being with them. I watch Emily play with my “babies” as I once did when I was little. She holds my first baby as I did and gives it kisses and takes care of it. My heart melts. Sam is my true boy. He loves his cars, trucks, and “boy” stuff, but he has a heart of gold. He shows his love through hugs, kisses, and snuggles.

Sam, started preschool where they read a book called “The Kissing Hand.” This book has a very interesting concept. It is about a mother and a child, the child is scared to be away from his mother. The mom then takes the child’s hand, kisses it and tells the child to keep her kiss in his hand to keep her special. She will always be with him as long as he remembers her kiss on his hand. The child then takes his mom’s hand and kisses hers. She will now keep him special to her. Sam explained this story to me and now every night, he takes my hand, kisses it and tells me to keep him special. If he only knew how special he and his sister are to me.

 Parenting and being a mother is amazing, but I could never do it without my husband. “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” Theodore Hesburgh. Steve is very supported of me and our children. He is an amazing father and understands that we have different strengths as parents. I am a “caregiver” a push-over at times. Steve is the disciplinarian; the kids respect this part of him. We make a good team and learn each day how to be better parents through each other.

 I am very proud to be a mother and as much as my children drive me crazy some days, I could never find another job that I can love as much as I do as being a mother.

 

Influences

 

Back in 1997 I started a new activity that I never thought would change and help in forming my life from that point on. My sister had shown me what Colorguard was and she taught me how to spin a flag in my front yard. When I became old enough I joined the school’s Colorguard team. It was the most trying and rewarding time in my life.
The coach we had at the time was not very nice to new students. I was learning and she was not willing to help me. That year my emotions and physical strength had been exhausted and I quit after the first month. I was really sad as this was something that I knew that I could do, and I just needed support and leadership to do it. The next year, I joined again. “In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.” Bill Cosby The previous coach was gone and we had an Amazing leader-Rob. He was fun and made the activity fun- he let us be ourselves and let us try new things. He made our competition all about us and what we wanted to do. It was amazing.

Not only did I learn how to spin a flag, jazz run, dance and learn about what my body can do. I made friends, and lots of them! The friends I met 15 years ago are still my best friends today. “A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.”
Jim Morrison

As I went through High School I had more coaches that came and left. At one point we got Carrie and Heather. They were tough on us and wanted us to be the best that we could be. I was a little shit sometimes because I thought I was the best and didn’t want to listen. They never gave up on me. I found out that I can always be better than I am the day before and that these two women really did know what they were talking about. Once my senior year came I had the honor of being a captain. I took on this leadership role with seriousness as I had classmates that continued the attitude that I had taught them the years prior. I tried to help my classmates change their attitude as I did, and encourage the new students that had come to join our team.

As my last high school performance came, I was in tears just thinking about everything I had gone through and everyone that was there for me. My colorguard friends had become my family and had been there for my first kiss, my first Chipotle Burrito, my first car, my parents’ divorce, and soon…graduation. Colorguard was who I was, I was nothing without this activity- It was something that I could throw myself into when things were tough, and play around with when things were good.

After graduation I knew that I had to find somewhere that I could continue my dream, my life. I joined Chops, Inc and had the time of my life. Rob was my coach once again and this time instead of teaching me how to spin- he was teaching me harder and more skilled execution of my flag, rifle, and saber. He taught me how to act and use my body to show emotion. I met more friends and had the chance to travel around the Midwest.

The next year I knew that Chops was not in the cards for me as I was busy with life and in college. I had the opportunity to work at Andover High School with my old coach Laura. We had a blast, I was able to take the skills that I had learned over the years and was able to teach students everything that I knew. I was now on the opposite side of the floor and watching these students grow just like I had so many years ago.

The past 3 years I have had the honor to be coaching at Simley High School. The colorguard works alongside the marching band and only performs in the summer and does parades- which works better with my family life. The students that I have met and said goodbye to over the past years have been amazing. We have had tough times and attitudes that a saint couldn’t handle, but I have watched some of these students grow into leaders, into amazing young people that are going to do amazing things. I have watched their friendships blossom just like mine did 15 years ago. “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am privilege to have the opportunity to work with young people at their most vulnerable time in their lives. I am teaching them not only what they can do with their hands and bodies, but what they can do when they put their mind to it.  We talk about life, love, and losses that they go through and how to overcome these in positive ways. Colorguard is a family, a unit that no one will ever understand unless you have had the chance to be in it yourself.

 

 

It’s Okay to be alone

The definition of Alone:

• Having no one else present; on one’s own. (Google)
• Being apart from others; solitary. (Free Dictionary)
• Being without anyone else; only. (Free Dictionary)

 

The world encourages you to surround yourself with other people. Specifically people that support you in your everyday life, I completely agree…but I also believe in being alone.

As a child, I enjoyed playing with my friends, my siblings and anyone that would play with me. But I always needed my time to “recharge.” I needed time to process the day, process my thoughts and just have time not to have to listen to anyone. I would take my “babies” and play in my room, or ride my bike by myself up and down the alley. My mother never said anything about my “alone” time as she understood how important it is in my development.

I still find alone time extremely necessary in my life. As a person who struggles with Anxiety my mind races so fast sometimes that I don’t actually know what I am thinking or what step should be taken next. Taking a minute to breath, to relax, and to process is essential.  I enjoy taking time playing mindless games on the computer, or reading a silly book, or taking a bubble bath. My family understands that I need alone time and respect it as much as I respect their time.

My kids are extremely important to my life and I love listening to their stories and what they have to say… which sometimes is never ending! They are now starting to understand “alone” time and cherish the time that they can be alone to process the day.  Sam will talk the entire way home from daycare, but once he gets home he takes a couple minutes in the playroom by himself, or will sit on the couch looking at a book. It is only for a few minutes, but I know he needs his time. When he is ready to talk, he will approach me. Emily is the same. If it is a busy day or lots of people around, she needs her time, whether it is in her room, the playroom, or outside, she likes to be alone for a few minutes to gain her space back and be able to conquer the world again. It is great to see my kids as social butterflies, but it is great to see that they know the importance of being alone, and able to calm themselves and process the thoughts that they are learning every day.

Whether you are young or old, we all need our time. Yes, social contact is important as we need people to hear us, to actually actively listen to what we have to say. But we can’t be an active listener or conversationalist if our minds are filled with thoughts of the day and continue to race. Take your time, so you can be a better listener, spouse, parent, sibling, or friend.

Listen to me in silence, let the peoples renew their strength; let them approach, then let them speak; let us draw near together  

Isaiah 41:1

Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7